Where the Real Elitists Lie

I had intended to avoid the Greatest Scandal of My Lifetime (it was so depressing), but then DougJ went and made me laugh heartily recounting this conversation with his uncle:

Uncle: Why were they giving Obama a hard time about that burger he ordered the other day?
Me: He asked for spicy mustard.
Uncle: Like brown mustard or grey poupon?
Me: Yeah.
Uncle: And they made a big deal of that? God help us, huh?

What I never really got about this (aside from why it makes fuck bit of difference), is why no media outlets ever bother to really put the pieces together and point out that Republicans apparently think that everyone in “flyover country” that makes less than $50,000 a year is straigt out of Deliverance or something. I mean really? Dijon mustard?! Is there a grocery store in America that doesn’t stock dijon mustard.

This, of course, reminds me of the scandal that erupted when John Kerry requested Swiss cheese on his cheesesteak in 2004. Aside from the obvious lack of understanding of the rather basic point that different people have different tastes in food and won’t all put the same exact condiments on every item, what really gets me is that it apparently never occurs to them that these establishments have these items in stock. I mean really, you wouldn’t think they were going out stocking up on condiments no one was ordering, assuming that you believe the paens you send out to capitalism and all, so the very fact that these items are even stocked should presumably be proof that plenty of people are coming in and ordering them.

Even more odd is the apparent conservative belief that “real Americans” are somehow adverse to vegetables (unless it’s the salad bar at Applebee’s of course). First it was John Kerry’s taste for asparagus, then it was Arugalagate. I’m pretty sure that, like dijon mustard, you can buy asparagus at any grocery store in the country. Hell, growing up I had an aparagus patch growing in the garden (and fresh asparagus was absolutely delicious). Now that was rural Ohio, on a family farm, but apparently no one but me, John Kerry, and the Prince of Wales are fans of asparagus. And you can get arugala at the fucking Olive Garden. Elitist indeed.

Honestly, the only thing I find interesting about all of this is how comically exclusionary the conservative movement is becoming. Laura Ingraham basically declared that if you eat your hamburgers with anything but kethcup and mayonaise (or is it catsup?) you’re a libtard traitor who’s either ambiguously gay or awkwardly feminine. At this point, the only question is who is going to be the last acceptable person left for the conservative movement?