This must be a prank…

In what may be one of the most painful articles I have ever read…

I KNOW Sarah Palin, and so does my wife.

Neither of us ever actually met the governor of Alaska, but we grew up with her – in the small-town America despised by the leftwing elite.

One gal-pal classmate of my wife’s has even traveled from New York’s Finger Lakes to Alaska to hunt moose with her husband. (Got one, too.) And no, Ms. Streisand, she isn’t a redneck missing half her teeth – she’s a lawyer.

The sneering elites and their mediacrat fellow travelers just don’t get it: How on earth could anyone vote for someone who didn’t attend an Ivy League school? And having more than 1.7 children marks any woman as a rube. (If Palin had any taste, her teenage daughter would’ve had a quiet abortion in a discreet facility.)

And what kind of retro-Barbie would stay happily married to her high-school sweetheart? Ugh. She even kills animals and eats them. (The meat and fish served in the upscale bistros patronized by Obama supporters appears by magic – it didn’t really come from living things. . .)

Palin has that hick accent, too. And that busy-mom beehive ‘do. Double ugh! Bet she hasn’t even read Ian McEwan’s latest novel and can’t explain Frank Gehry’s vision for a new architecture. She and her blue-collar (triple ugh!) husband don’t even own a McMansion, let alone an inherited family compound on the Cape.

And she wants to be vice president?

The opinion-maker elites see Sarah Palin clearly every time they look up from another sneering article in The New Yorker: She’s a country-bumpkin chumpette from a hick state with low latte availability. She’s not one of them and never will be. That’s the real disqualifier in this race.

Now let me tell you what those postmodern bigots with their multiple vacation homes and their disappointing trust-fund kids don’t see:

Sarah Palin’s one of us. She actually represents the American people.

When The New York Times, CNN, the NBC basket of basket cases and all the barking blog dogs insult Palin, they’re insulting us. When they smear her, they’re smearing every American who actually works for a living, who doesn’t expect a handout, who doesn’t have a full-time accountant to parse the family taxes, who believes in the Pledge of Allegiance and who thinks a church is more than just a tedious stop on daughter Emily’s 100K wedding day.

Go ahead, faux feminists and Hollywood deep thinkers: Snicker at Sarah America’s degree from the University of Idaho, but remember that most Americans didn’t attend Harvard or Princeton as a legacy after daddy donated enough to buy his kid’s way in.

Go ahead, campaign strategists: Mock Americans who go to church and actually pray. But you might want to run the Census numbers first.

And go right ahead: Dismiss all of us who remember how, on the first day of deer season, our high school classrooms were half empty (not a problem at Andover or Exeter).

Points to anyone in the class who can point out what’s wrong with this article.

Ready.

Set.

Go.

Now for the answers…

1. Not only is Sarah Palin not a lawyer, she had to school shop to get a BA in a joke major.

2. Todd Palin is not remotely blue-collar. While he works with his hands, it’s at a position for which he makes almost $100,000 a year.

3. While both Bush surely attended Ivy League schools on the basis of family name, Clinton did not. He was from a working-class background and fought his way up. How snobbish of him to actually work hard.

4. Who is mocking people who pray? Wait… no one.

5. I’ll go out on a limb and guess the percentage of Americans who hunt is less than 50%.

– Polk